








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 966 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 290 | 30% |
| Smokes | 200 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 254 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 222 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $109,307 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Jerkstar Sr. | 78% | 9 |
| #7 | John Porno V. | 75% | 4 |
| #8 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | 67% | 3 |
| #9 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | 50% | 2 |
| #10 | Cast0r Jr. | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerkstar Sr. | 1 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerkstar Sr. | 33 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | John Porno V. | 14 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| #3 | A B S 1 C H T Sr. | 11 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #4 | Schmandfaktor Sr. | 6 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | 4 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A B S 1 C H T Sr. | +7.94 | 80 | 68 |
| #2 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | +7.29 | 61 | 25 |
| #3 | L-Capowned Sr. | +5.09 | 71 | 66 |
| #4 | John Porno V. | +4.50 | 81 | 66 |
| #5 | Jerkstar Sr. | +4.00 | 72 | 73 |





