








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 156 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2092 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,369 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 537 | 16% |
| Smokes | 701 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 985 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1146 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $541,449 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LiqmaKok | 60% | 40 |
| #2 | Cumm with a dash of Cumm | 53% | 57 |
| #3 | jayknocks | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | spongebob | 48% | 46 |
| #5 | Jimmy Buffet | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jimmy Buffet | 48% | 44 |
| #6 | Royce | 47% | 45 |
| #7 | GrASS | 46% | 131 |
| #8 | nemoscuba | 43% | 104 |
| #9 | SM'ROSS | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GrASS | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | nemoscuba | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Cumm with a dash of Cumm | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | jayknocks | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | spongebob | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nemoscuba | 376 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jimmy Buffet | 238 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #3 | Royce | 219 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #4 | LiqmaKok | 171 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #5 | GrASS | 155 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jayknocks | +3.10 | 63 | 59 |
| #2 | Royce | +2.41 | 57 | 66 |
| #3 | Jimmy Buffet | +2.00 | 44 | 76 |
| #4 | MUC | +0.74 | 61 | 37 |
| #5 | spongebob | +0.64 | 40 | 62 |





