








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
885 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,553 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1480 | 42% |
| Smokes | 949 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 231 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 893 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $83,520 of utility $44 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MURKY | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | 1sonny | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | anna | 64% | 14 |
| #4 | deine mutter | 60% | 45 |
| #5 | Demonio | 58% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | deine mutter | 60% | 45 |
| #5 | Demonio | 58% | 43 |
| #6 | DCX | 54% | 68 |
| #7 | sparky | 50% | 6 |
| #8 | JasonIX | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DCX | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Demonio | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | deine mutter | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | anna | 1 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | JasonIX | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DCX | 151 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | Demonio | 59 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | deine mutter | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | 1sonny | 37 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | JasonIX | 25 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MURKY | +12.21 | 93 | 74 |
| #2 | deine mutter | +1.74 | 78 | 44 |
| #3 | t0ss | +1.15 | 61 | 68 |
| #4 | JasonIX | +0.39 | 67 | 34 |
| #5 | 1sonny | +0.31 | 74 | 53 |





