








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1202 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 411 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4228 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 50,737 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 16970 | 33% |
| Smokes | 14001 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 9537 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 10229 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,317,443 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 914 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ;Apology ☬ | 79% | 47 |
| #2 | AR'kinG♛ | 71% | 108 |
| #3 | ☭ Sperm1 | 59% | 228 |
| #4 | Black Queen ♚ | 57% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ;Apology ☬ | 79% | 47 |
| #2 | AR'kinG♛ | 71% | 108 |
| #3 | ☭ Sperm1 | 59% | 228 |
| #4 | Black Queen ♚ | 57% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☭ Sperm1 | 8 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | AR'kinG♛ | 8 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Black Queen ♚ | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | ;Apology ☬ | 2 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AR'kinG♛ | 145 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | ☭ Sperm1 | 136 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Black Queen ♚ | 77 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | ;Apology ☬ | 37 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Queen ♚ | +3.87 | 86 | 46 |
| #2 | AR'kinG♛ | +1.96 | 59 | 71 |
| #3 | (CAO)JuankOMG | +0.07 | 48 | 74 |
| #4 | ;Apology ☬ | -0.18 | 71 | 63 |
| #5 | ☭ Sperm1 | -0.67 | 49 | 48 |





