








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2062 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 883 matches | ||
| Wingman | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 24 different maps





Our logs show 105 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12385 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,867 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5415 | 16% |
| Smokes | 5130 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 12398 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 10924 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,234,378 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 739 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SharpnessJuan | 51% | 104 |
| #2 | Dior | 47% | 175 |
| #3 | ⚡ Mekelek | 45% | 319 |
| #4 | Bubpkis Guy | 42% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SharpnessJuan | 51% | 104 |
| #2 | Dior | 47% | 175 |
| #3 | ⚡ Mekelek | 45% | 319 |
| #4 | Bubpkis Guy | 42% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dior | 29 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | ⚡ Mekelek | 24 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Bubpkis Guy | 10 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | SharpnessJuan | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡ Mekelek | 988 | 0.15 | 25 min |
| #2 | SharpnessJuan | 453 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #3 | Dior | 409 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #4 | Bubpkis Guy | 290 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SharpnessJuan | +1.40 | 75 | 52 |
| #2 | Legends | +0.56 | 68 | 50 |
| #3 | Dior | +0.26 | 51 | 60 |
| #4 | ⚡ Mekelek | -0.28 | 50 | 54 |
| #5 | Bubpkis Guy | -0.77 | 48 | 51 |





