








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 719 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 334 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 91 matches | ||
| Wingman | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7097 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,575 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5861 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4949 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5338 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3427 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,226,007 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2537 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ooofy | 53% | 49 |
| #2 | ⚡ Mekelek | 52% | 314 |
| #3 | Kigoi | 51% | 106 |
| #4 | Sloop | 49% | 119 |
| #5 | Dior | 48% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jared Fogle | 45% | 399 |
| #9 | Skadoodle | 45% | 56 |
| #10 | Legends | 42% | 125 |
| #11 | Algernon Backwoods | 42% | 110 |
| #12 | Burger King Crown | 28% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josiah Parker | 53 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | ⚡ Mekelek | 26 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Jared Fogle | 15 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Dior | 13 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Sloop | 6 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡ Mekelek | 870 | 0.13 | 20 min |
| #2 | Josiah Parker | 675 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #3 | Jared Fogle | 536 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #4 | Dior | 225 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | Kigoi | 218 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josiah Parker | +4.42 | 65 | 55 |
| #2 | Dior | +0.96 | 53 | 60 |
| #3 | ⚡ Mekelek | +0.80 | 52 | 55 |
| #4 | Algernon Backwoods | +0.67 | 71 | 40 |
| #5 | Bubpkis Guy | +0.35 | 55 | 42 |





