








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 79 matches | ||
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1852 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,639 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1375 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1239 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 165 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 860 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $454,682 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kong | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Junk Dog | 59% | 41 |
| #3 | NanMaoD | 58% | 66 |
| #4 | 虹ヶ咲学園突撃手大場なな | 57% | 49 |
| #5 | i was using tilt control | 57% | 136 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LemOn7 | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | 笹木 咲 | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | i was using tilt control | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | 虹ヶ咲学園突撃手大場なな | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Ohio | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i was using tilt control | 425 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | 笹木 咲 | 301 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | LemOn7 | 256 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | NanMaoD | 212 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | 虹ヶ咲学園突撃手大場なな | 153 | 0.22 | 3 min |





