








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
849 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,617 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 672 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1099 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 949 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 897 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $563,427 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lyroJ | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Agent 48 | 51% | 35 |
| #3 | Koko | 48% | 23 |
| #4 | тωєєzу | 44% | 71 |
| #5 | Xplain | 43% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xplain | 231 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | тωєєzу | 154 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Agent 48 | 59 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Flying Uwe | 30 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | lyroJ | 22 | 0.11 | 0 min |





