








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




222 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,735 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 204 | 12% |
| Smokes | 450 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 663 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 418 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $82,424 of utility $13 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 871 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fred | 49% | 47 |
| #2 | Borat | 49% | 43 |
| #3 | NotCairo | 45% | 67 |
| #4 | Craig | 39% | 74 |
| #5 | NotCairo_Alt | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Webweaver | 36% | 22 |
| #7 | Bosko | 35% | 31 |
| #8 | Kev-Chan | 35% | 71 |
| #9 | Grouchy Smurf | 33% | 18 |
| #10 | Bruhm1s | 32% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Craig | 70 | 0.0497 |
| #2 | NotCairo | 24 | 0.0187 |
| #3 | Bosko | 21 | 0.0369 |
| #4 | Kev-Chan | 17 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | Webweaver | 14 | 0.0342 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Craig | 385 | 0.27 | 5 min |
| #2 | Fred | 61 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | NotCairo | 52 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Bosko | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Borat | 50 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Craig | +6.34 | 66 | 40 |
| #2 | Bosko | +3.93 | 76 | 46 |
| #3 | NotCairo | +3.01 | 63 | 44 |
| #4 | Grouchy Smurf | +3.00 | 81 | 54 |
| #5 | Webweaver | +1.97 | 74 | 41 |





