








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 833 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 241 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 106 matches | ||
| Premier | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




158 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,844 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5123 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3152 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4565 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3004 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,386,532 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1763 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schmuel | 52% | 85 |
| #2 | John | 51% | 361 |
| #3 | Meat | 49% | 332 |
| #4 | リップ・ボゾ | 48% | 293 |
| #5 | teehee | 48% | 194 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | John | 51% | 361 |
| #3 | Meat | 49% | 332 |
| #4 | リップ・ボゾ | 48% | 293 |
| #5 | teehee | 48% | 194 |
| #6 | Wilson | 38% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John | 36 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | リップ・ボゾ | 34 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Meat | 27 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Schmuel | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | teehee | 2 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John | 2083 | 0.28 | 49 min |
| #2 | リップ・ボゾ | 1395 | 0.23 | 31 min |
| #3 | teehee | 817 | 0.21 | 22 min |
| #4 | Meat | 473 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #5 | Wilson | 296 | 0.28 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jibber | +2.14 | 62 | 60 |
| #2 | リップ・ボゾ | +0.43 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | John | +0.30 | 51 | 75 |
| #4 | Meat | -0.73 | 55 | 38 |
| #5 | teehee | -2.58 | 41 | 66 |





