








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 687 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 210 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 75 matches | ||
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3725 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,757 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5704 | 36% |
| Smokes | 3140 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3919 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2994 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $701,115 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 392 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Don't give me a cigarette | 49% | 199 |
| #2 | Blart the man | 49% | 262 |
| #3 | the crust | 48% | 293 |
| #4 | Piddle | 46% | 243 |
| #5 | Wilson | 44% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Blart the man | 49% | 262 |
| #3 | the crust | 48% | 293 |
| #4 | Piddle | 46% | 243 |
| #5 | Wilson | 44% | 66 |
| #6 | T’Bonga | 41% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the crust | 88 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | Blart the man | 18 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Piddle | 11 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Don't give me a cigarette | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | T’Bonga | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blart the man | 1552 | 0.29 | 38 min |
| #2 | the crust | 1233 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #3 | Don't give me a cigarette | 769 | 0.19 | 21 min |
| #4 | Piddle | 382 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #5 | Wilson | 338 | 0.26 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the crust | +2.11 | 58 | 56 |
| #2 | Fardungulous | +0.75 | 69 | 69 |
| #3 | Blart the man | +0.57 | 48 | 73 |
| #4 | Piddle | -0.96 | 52 | 35 |
| #5 | Don't give me a cigarette | -2.37 | 40 | 61 |





