








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 492 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 197 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 83 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2887 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,871 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1205 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1253 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2025 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1388 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,483,606 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 673 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jibber | 49% | 332 |
| #2 | Schmuel | 48% | 89 |
| #3 | John | 47% | 293 |
| #4 | リップ・ボゾ | 46% | 243 |
| #5 | teehee | 45% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Schmuel | 48% | 89 |
| #3 | John | 47% | 293 |
| #4 | リップ・ボゾ | 46% | 243 |
| #5 | teehee | 45% | 152 |
| #6 | Wilson | 27% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jibber | 110 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | John | 27 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | リップ・ボゾ | 26 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Schmuel | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | teehee | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John | 1745 | 0.29 | 41 min |
| #2 | Jibber | 1466 | 0.22 | 18 min |
| #3 | リップ・ボゾ | 1121 | 0.23 | 25 min |
| #4 | teehee | 649 | 0.21 | 18 min |
| #5 | Wilson | 252 | 0.27 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jibber | +2.37 | 62 | 59 |
| #2 | リップ・ボゾ | +0.85 | 75 | 73 |
| #3 | John | +0.18 | 52 | 76 |
| #4 | Meat | -0.66 | 56 | 39 |
| #5 | teehee | -2.58 | 41 | 65 |





