










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
105 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 86 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 28 | 33% |
| Smokes | 18 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 14 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 26 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $24,812 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sebio | 6 | 0.0149 |
| #2 | LeBron James | 4 | 0.0116 |
| #3 | Deiondre Denzel Marcus Cousins | 2 | 0.0185 |
| #4 | Michael from Jordan | 1 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | KiddiJr | 1 | 0.0118 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sebio | 85 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #2 | LeBron James | 60 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Michael from Jordan | 19 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | ConHeo | 19 | 0.23 | 0 min |
| #5 | The one (1) | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |





