








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 64 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
904 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,936 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1827 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1232 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 819 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1058 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $150,849 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Suav | 63% | 19 |
| #2 | Godly | 51% | 43 |
| #3 | 奈|Nara|良 | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | Syn | 47% | 51 |
| #5 | Skrub | 47% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Skrub | 47% | 32 |
| #6 | Im_Eggcellent | 39% | 57 |
| #7 | cutthroat | 33% | 6 |
| #8 | dake | 25% | 12 |
| #9 | fer | 7% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Im_Eggcellent | 15 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | Godly | 6 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Syn | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | fer | 5 | 0.0168 |
| #5 | Skrub | 4 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Godly | 285 | 0.31 | 6 min |
| #2 | Syn | 172 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Skrub | 104 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Im_Eggcellent | 97 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Suav | 60 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Godly | +2.28 | 82 | 54 |
| #2 | Syn | +0.75 | 79 | 56 |
| #3 | Skrub | +0.68 | 72 | 62 |
| #4 | fer | +0.59 | 67 | 45 |
| #5 | cutthroat | -0.22 | 77 | 37 |





