








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 433 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 295 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2740 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,286 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3354 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3135 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3747 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2050 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,066,254 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 624 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PIPHANS!!! | 54% | 162 |
| #2 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 47% | 178 |
| #3 | Freakbams | 47% | 202 |
| #4 | Noname | 46% | 96 |
| #5 | Schnitzel | 44% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PIPHANS!!! | 54% | 162 |
| #2 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 47% | 178 |
| #3 | Freakbams | 47% | 202 |
| #4 | Noname | 46% | 96 |
| #5 | Schnitzel | 44% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freakbams | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | PIPHANS!!! | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Noname | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Schnitzel | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freakbams | 649 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #2 | PIPHANS!!! | 499 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #3 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 115 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | Noname | 93 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Schnitzel | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PIPHANS!!! | +1.88 | 76 | 69 |
| #2 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | +1.79 | 70 | 41 |
| #3 | Schnitzel | +0.64 | 76 | 55 |
| #4 | Noname | +0.31 | 56 | 50 |
| #5 | Freakbams | -1.51 | 53 | 61 |





