








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 369 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 285 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2845 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,283 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3287 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1767 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 3212 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2017 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,471,146 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 507 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PIPHANS!!! | 51% | 77 |
| #2 | Schnitzel | 49% | 53 |
| #3 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 48% | 212 |
| #4 | ØkoVeganskJäkarøv | 47% | 202 |
| #5 | Noname | 43% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PIPHANS!!! | 51% | 77 |
| #2 | Schnitzel | 49% | 53 |
| #3 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 48% | 212 |
| #4 | ØkoVeganskJäkarøv | 47% | 202 |
| #5 | Noname | 43% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | ØkoVeganskJäkarøv | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | PIPHANS!!! | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Noname | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ØkoVeganskJäkarøv | 596 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | PIPHANS!!! | 251 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | 159 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Noname | 108 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | Schnitzel | 56 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¤ΛVIX¤ | +1.92 | 69 | 40 |
| #2 | PIPHANS!!! | +1.48 | 75 | 66 |
| #3 | Schnitzel | +1.20 | 78 | 50 |
| #4 | Noname | +0.48 | 56 | 52 |
| #5 | Freakbams | -1.32 | 56 | 61 |





