








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
556 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,489 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 138 | 9% |
| Smokes | 352 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 704 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 295 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $234,426 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | el gazi | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Cassa | 55% | 66 |
| #3 | Lightning | 53% | 32 |
| #4 | benny | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | Jovial Merryment | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Lightning | 53% | 32 |
| #4 | benny | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | Jovial Merryment | 50% | 40 |
| #6 | Robdoct | 48% | 29 |
| #7 | Camphetamine | 48% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cassa | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Camphetamine | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Jovial Merryment | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Lightning | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Robdoct | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cassa | 210 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | Lightning | 160 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #3 | Camphetamine | 146 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jovial Merryment | 52 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Robdoct | 47 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Robdoct | +1.74 | 75 | 59 |
| #2 | Cassa | +0.48 | 60 | 61 |
| #3 | Camphetamine | +0.42 | 59 | 55 |
| #4 | Lightning | +0.42 | 60 | 65 |
| #5 | Jovial Merryment | -0.02 | 70 | 47 |





