








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,697 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2127 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1842 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 596 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 1132 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $536,031 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Camphetamine | 59% | 29 |
| #2 | Jovial Merryment | 58% | 33 |
| #3 | Cassa | 58% | 73 |
| #4 | Moo deng | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | Robdoct | 45% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Robdoct | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Jovial Merryment | 5 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Cassa | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Moo deng | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Camphetamine | 3 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cassa | 244 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | Robdoct | 193 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Camphetamine | 101 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jovial Merryment | 56 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Moo deng | 31 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Robdoct | +1.40 | 73 | 66 |
| #2 | Cassa | +0.99 | 60 | 59 |
| #3 | Lightning | +0.34 | 61 | 67 |
| #4 | Jovial Merryment | +0.10 | 70 | 39 |
| #5 | Camphetamine | -0.04 | 60 | 56 |





