








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 145 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 200 matches | ||
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3773 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,833 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3121 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2190 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4055 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1467 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,160 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yobamark | 92% | 26 |
| #2 | ✪ Mrtwofeet | 89% | 37 |
| #3 | furrypotter | 88% | 59 |
| #4 | Bobbydicason ✌ | 88% | 96 |
| #5 | Kiwi | 83% | 293 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kiwi | 14 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | joy simp | 12 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Real | 10 | 0.0163 |
| #4 | furrypotter | 7 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | precog` | 4 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kiwi | 751 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #2 | joy simp | 600 | 0.36 | 13 min |
| #3 | Worldwide Wizard | 295 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #4 | BluFF | 196 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | Real | 143 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yobamark | +5.58 | 93 | 66 |
| #2 | joy simp | +4.50 | 94 | 58 |
| #3 | redf0x | +3.82 | 93 | 48 |
| #4 | ✪ Mrtwofeet | +3.30 | 83 | 67 |
| #5 | BluFF | +3.05 | 77 | 72 |





