








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
808 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 516 | 21% |
| Smokes | 550 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 759 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 624 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $248,250 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Kain | 69% | 16 |
| #5 | Jhames | 65% | 17 |
| #6 | _ProHater_ | 63% | 51 |
| #7 | OJ | 45% | 11 |
| #8 | Bimmer Boy | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _ProHater_ | 9 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Jhames | 4 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | OJ | 3 | 0.0128 |
| #4 | Kain | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Miller | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _ProHater_ | 169 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | Kain | 53 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | Jhames | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | OJ | 31 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bimmer Boy | 17 | 0.16 | 0 min |





