








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 302 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1819 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,486 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1599 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1758 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1902 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2227 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $731,423 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ydar | 40% | 43 |
| #6 | Dre'teryx | 38% | 39 |
| #7 | Bean Brigadier(they/them) | 37% | 63 |
| #8 | Daily Grains | 35% | 26 |
| #9 | DiddyDelinquent | 27% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jk | 10 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Dre'teryx | 10 | 0.0131 |
| #3 | BAKA | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | ThiccWicc | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Daily Grains | 5 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jk | 321 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | Dre'teryx | 160 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #3 | BAKA | 151 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bean Brigadier(they/them) | 146 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | ThiccWicc | 62 | 0.04 | 1 min |





