








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
228 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 487 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 156 | 32% |
| Smokes | 156 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 59 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 116 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $72,275 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mayuyu | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Dial | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | stupid | 100% | 2 |
| #4 | siX | 78% | 9 |
| #5 | kou | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nenenebtbt | 2 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | Don't Stop Believin' | 1 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | kou | 1 | 0.0164 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ヨネハライスシャワー | 89 | 0.36 | 2 min |
| #2 | nenenebtbt | 62 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | siX | 37 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #4 | Don't Stop Believin' | 37 | 0.32 | 1 min |
| #5 | sorairo | 18 | 0.23 | 0 min |





