








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
400 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 833 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 204 | 24% |
| Smokes | 278 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 132 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 219 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $181,580 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PERVARIS | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | Skrimma | 43% | 7 |
| #3 | The Milkman | 36% | 11 |
| #4 | Paul Scholes | 33% | 9 |
| #5 | AlbatrossVol.1 | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Skrimma | 43% | 7 |
| #3 | The Milkman | 36% | 11 |
| #4 | Paul Scholes | 33% | 9 |
| #5 | AlbatrossVol.1 | 25% | 4 |
| #6 | ThrowCheese | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PERVARIS | 2 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | The Milkman | 1 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Paul Scholes | 1 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Skrimma | 1 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PERVARIS | 25 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | ThrowCheese | 23 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #3 | The Milkman | 15 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Paul Scholes | 13 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Skrimma | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThrowCheese | +2.70 | 79 | 43 |
| #2 | AlbatrossVol.1 | +1.85 | 28 | 69 |
| #3 | PERVARIS | +1.18 | 28 | 47 |
| #4 | Happycamper | +0.73 | 29 | 42 |
| #5 | Skrimma | -0.31 | 67 | 17 |





