








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 82 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1803 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,965 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1326 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1727 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1342 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1570 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $697,511 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 167 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 53% | 125 |
| #2 | (chad) when does it get better | 48% | 54 |
| #3 | nickman | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | marshall the town rat | 36% | 25 |
| #5 | The Incredible Bulk | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 53% | 125 |
| #2 | (chad) when does it get better | 48% | 54 |
| #3 | nickman | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | marshall the town rat | 36% | 25 |
| #5 | The Incredible Bulk | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | The Incredible Bulk | 3 | 0.0129 |
| #3 | (chad) when does it get better | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 83 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #2 | nickman | 40 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | The Incredible Bulk | 14 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | marshall the town rat | 10 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | (chad) when does it get better | 6 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nickman | +4.50 | 87 | 68 |
| #2 | Vertigo Employee | +2.44 | 76 | 63 |
| #3 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | +0.50 | 41 | 41 |
| #4 | marshall the town rat | +0.01 | 50 | 30 |
| #5 | The Incredible Bulk | -1.20 | 58 | 21 |





