








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 203 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 332 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




109 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3913 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,913 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2400 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3448 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 2100 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 965 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,219,090 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 112 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy Pendleton | 52% | 46 |
| #2 | CmanShocker | 51% | 183 |
| #3 | Melvin Pendleton | 44% | 95 |
| #4 | BoxNibbler | 44% | 77 |
| #5 | Richard Enbals | 35% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy Pendleton | 52% | 46 |
| #2 | CmanShocker | 51% | 183 |
| #3 | Melvin Pendleton | 44% | 95 |
| #4 | BoxNibbler | 44% | 77 |
| #5 | Richard Enbals | 35% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BoxNibbler | 24 | 0.0156 |
| #2 | CmanShocker | 17 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Melvin Pendleton | 15 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | Teddy Pendleton | 9 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | Richard Enbals | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BoxNibbler | 195 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Melvin Pendleton | 119 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | CmanShocker | 74 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | Teddy Pendleton | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Richard Enbals | 19 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy Pendleton | +1.50 | 40 | 57 |
| #2 | Goose?! | +1.19 | 53 | 49 |
| #3 | CmanShocker | +1.02 | 54 | 34 |
| #4 | Melvin Pendleton | -0.24 | 55 | 43 |
| #5 | BoxNibbler | -2.06 | 53 | 46 |





