








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 517 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 433 matches | ||
| Wingman | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 24 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9646 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,465 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1156 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3584 | 48% |
| HE Grenades | 1055 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1670 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,721,374 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1166 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy Pendleton | 54% | 181 |
| #2 | Melvin Pendleton | 51% | 286 |
| #3 | Goose?! | 51% | 183 |
| #4 | Richard Enbals | 46% | 139 |
| #5 | BoxNibbler | 42% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy Pendleton | 54% | 181 |
| #2 | Melvin Pendleton | 51% | 286 |
| #3 | Goose?! | 51% | 183 |
| #4 | Richard Enbals | 46% | 139 |
| #5 | BoxNibbler | 42% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goose?! | 50 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | Melvin Pendleton | 39 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Teddy Pendleton | 36 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | BoxNibbler | 29 | 0.0144 |
| #5 | Richard Enbals | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melvin Pendleton | 376 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #2 | Goose?! | 267 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | BoxNibbler | 217 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Teddy Pendleton | 123 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Richard Enbals | 89 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CmanShocker | +2.07 | 59 | 30 |
| #2 | Teddy Pendleton | +1.56 | 48 | 45 |
| #3 | Goose?! | +1.23 | 52 | 51 |
| #4 | Melvin Pendleton | +0.40 | 56 | 44 |
| #5 | BoxNibbler | -2.41 | 57 | 43 |





