








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 203 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 240 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2558 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,832 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1526 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2025 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2300 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 981 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $882,695 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tom | 57% | 56 |
| #2 | Ben | 54% | 245 |
| #3 | Bob | 53% | 232 |
| #4 | Halooooooooooooooow | 53% | 245 |
| #5 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 53% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ben | 54% | 245 |
| #3 | Bob | 53% | 232 |
| #4 | Halooooooooooooooow | 53% | 245 |
| #5 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 53% | 146 |
| #6 | Morby | 49% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 16 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Ben | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Halooooooooooooooow | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Morby | 7 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 425 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #2 | Tom | 280 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #3 | Morby | 232 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | Halooooooooooooooow | 219 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 216 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | +3.05 | 82 | 54 |
| #2 | Tom | +1.44 | 80 | 52 |
| #3 | Morby | +0.55 | 67 | 56 |
| #4 | Ben | +0.45 | 63 | 25 |
| #5 | Darren1379 | -0.05 | 59 | 55 |





