








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 200 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
491 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1146 | 44% |
| Smokes | 494 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 568 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 410 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $130,739 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 306 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | badger | 34% | 41 |
| #11 | Tyron | 33% | 6 |
| #12 | ScoobePete | 33% | 9 |
| #13 | Stupid idot Mo | 33% | 39 |
| #14 | gambit femboy | 29% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stupid idot Mo | 7 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | Marswolf | 4 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | gambit femboy | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | badger | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Jammy | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marswolf | 81 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | badger | 59 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Stupid idot Mo | 42 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | ScoobePete | 26 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | Darwizzy | 21 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tyron | +4.90 | 82 | 41 |
| #2 | Donye Wump | +3.27 | 73 | 53 |
| #3 | vitruvian man | +2.91 | 58 | 67 |
| #4 | badger | +1.64 | 66 | 59 |
| #5 | Jammy | +1.56 | 72 | 57 |





