








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 349 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 72 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2722 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,776 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2379 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2321 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2135 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1941 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,477 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 386 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doggi | 50% | 120 |
| #2 | za | 43% | 14 |
| #3 | PostgreSQL | 40% | 201 |
| #4 | csun | 27% | 60 |
| #5 | redsnakeii | 25% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | za | 43% | 14 |
| #3 | PostgreSQL | 40% | 201 |
| #4 | csun | 27% | 60 |
| #5 | redsnakeii | 25% | 79 |
| #6 | marky_ember | 25% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doggi | 37 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | PostgreSQL | 24 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | csun | 8 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | za | 5 | 0.0167 |
| #5 | redsnakeii | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doggi | 781 | 0.31 | 20 min |
| #2 | PostgreSQL | 606 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | za | 107 | 0.36 | 3 min |
| #4 | marky_ember | 9 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | csun | 3 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | za | +4.49 | 83 | 74 |
| #2 | doggi | +3.97 | 86 | 68 |
| #3 | Noid | +2.41 | 78 | 66 |
| #4 | PostgreSQL | -0.89 | 50 | 55 |
| #5 | redsnakeii | -6.45 | 7 | 12 |





