








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 153 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2206 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,457 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2814 | 38% |
| Smokes | 646 | 9% |
| HE Grenades | 2218 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1779 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $703,093 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duram | 63% | 19 |
| #2 | kazjo | 56% | 25 |
| #3 | Skorpion ツ | 50% | 30 |
| #4 | .lucas S<3 | 49% | 63 |
| #5 | cranKyy | 48% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | mariNus | 44% | 102 |
| #10 | Papst Franziskus | 43% | 58 |
| #11 | R͢͢͢๏tչloeffel | 42% | 170 |
| #12 | FaiN | 41% | 17 |
| #13 | ChubaChupz | 41% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hello | 30 | 0.0185 |
| #2 | mariNus | 28 | 0.0133 |
| #3 | R͢͢͢๏tչloeffel | 19 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | .lucas S<3 | 19 | 0.0141 |
| #5 | jawa 糧 | 10 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jawa 糧 | 999 | 0.27 | 29 min |
| #2 | R͢͢͢๏tչloeffel | 710 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #3 | mariNus | 455 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #4 | .lucas S<3 | 361 | 0.27 | 9 min |
| #5 | Hello | 265 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .lucas S<3 | +3.62 | 88 | 66 |
| #2 | jawa 糧 | +2.82 | 90 | 78 |
| #3 | FaiN | +2.62 | 88 | 46 |
| #4 | Hello | +1.97 | 79 | 64 |
| #5 | Skorpion ツ | +1.91 | 68 | 64 |





