








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 161 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 187 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3889 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,826 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1514 | 17% |
| Smokes | 3190 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1666 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2456 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,279,103 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Backpack | 59% | 41 |
| #5 | Sasquach | 58% | 208 |
| #6 | Dylan | 57% | 93 |
| #7 | TriceraQuach | 51% | 35 |
| #8 | Magneseus | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sasquach | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | comiskey | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | TriceraQuach | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Dylan | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Backpack | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | comiskey | 502 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #2 | Sasquach | 475 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #3 | Dylan | 179 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | Backpack | 126 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | bubls | 98 | 0.13 | 2 min |





