








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 885 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 167 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,049 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1484 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1140 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1941 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1484 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $726,337 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tippex | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | SeNp | 53% | 95 |
| #3 | IVN | 49% | 72 |
| #4 | ThomaS | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Sad Sam | 48% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Tim | 43% | 14 |
| #8 | .crp/⸸ | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Tenkei | 42% | 86 |
| #10 | -Shwyy | 40% | 15 |
| #11 | Timbo | 39% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sad Sam | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | アレックス | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | SeNp | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | ThomaS | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | -Shwyy | 3 | 0.0102 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SeNp | 434 | 0.22 | 13 min |
| #2 | IVN | 315 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | アレックス | 305 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Timbo | 224 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #5 | Sad Sam | 155 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThomaS | +3.86 | 69 | 78 |
| #2 | Tippex | +1.61 | 66 | 73 |
| #3 | .crp/⸸ | +1.10 | 71 | 74 |
| #4 | -Shwyy | +1.05 | 88 | 57 |
| #5 | アレックス | +0.56 | 76 | 55 |





