








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 864 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 265 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 165 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 153 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




97 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9863 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,727 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9534 | 27% |
| Smokes | 9804 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6979 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 8410 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,166,398 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 932 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





