








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 156 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1007 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,847 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1022 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1250 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1741 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 834 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $189,305 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DisappointingCabbage | 63% | 46 |
| #2 | ✪ arti | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Peluri | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Shmuel | 54% | 13 |
| #5 | Qibbah | 52% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Qibbah | 52% | 75 |
| #6 | Turtleprn | 52% | 83 |
| #7 | Rane | 51% | 102 |
| #8 | franton | 50% | 56 |
| #9 | Snadi2k | 44% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Qibbah | 11 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Snadi2k | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | DisappointingCabbage | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | franton | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | ✪ arti | 2 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rane | 305 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | Qibbah | 154 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Turtleprn | 132 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | franton | 125 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | Snadi2k | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peluri | +2.74 | 65 | 48 |
| #2 | franton | +2.16 | 71 | 75 |
| #3 | DisappointingCabbage | +1.43 | 72 | 66 |
| #4 | Rane | +1.28 | 76 | 60 |
| #5 | Shmuel | +0.59 | 74 | 58 |





