








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 671 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 196 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5425 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,696 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 792 | 5% |
| Smokes | 6642 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 2526 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 4736 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,057,010 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 768 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlwaySloth | 54% | 65 |
| #2 | Nikl | 50% | 216 |
| #3 | roboc0p | 49% | 41 |
| #4 | Nikl | 48% | 89 |
| #5 | Pingwin | 46% | 256 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alf Schumacher | 45 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | bóbr | 41 | 0.0158 |
| #3 | Nikl | 16 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | Pingwin | 12 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Nikl | 7 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pingwin | 659 | 0.12 | 16 min |
| #2 | Nikl | 346 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | AlwaySloth | 211 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Nikl | 175 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | Alf Schumacher | 130 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlwaySloth | +1.82 | 64 | 58 |
| #2 | Kuro | +1.63 | 52 | 41 |
| #3 | Nikl | +1.26 | 63 | 60 |
| #4 | Pingwin | +0.42 | 70 | 62 |
| #5 | Nikl | +0.02 | 43 | 48 |





