








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 539 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 208 matches | ||
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Esplay | 6 matches | 2,316 | |
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4267 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,191 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4048 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3544 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2532 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3067 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $629,044 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 441 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sagooi | 75% | 36 |
| #2 | SIMBAD | 75% | 79 |
| #3 | SAN | 68% | 28 |
| #4 | Summa | 68% | 111 |
| #5 | dazhai | 67% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Seqret | 58% | 207 |
| #8 | Яedly Яed暗赤色 | 56% | 54 |
| #9 | [VLG] Et Ulltæppe | 53% | 154 |
| #10 | scared | 47% | 49 |
| #11 | mathio | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Seqret | 24 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Summa | 15 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | SIMBAD | 11 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | [VLG] Et Ulltæppe | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | SAN | 4 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Seqret | 1193 | 0.25 | 33 min |
| #2 | [VLG] Et Ulltæppe | 690 | 0.20 | 18 min |
| #3 | Яedly Яed暗赤色 | 389 | 0.33 | 12 min |
| #4 | Summa | 387 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #5 | scared | 307 | 0.27 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Summa | +3.26 | 85 | 63 |
| #2 | tako | +1.45 | 84 | 62 |
| #3 | Seqret | +1.03 | 75 | 69 |
| #4 | [VLG] Et Ulltæppe | +0.70 | 86 | 59 |
| #5 | dazhai | +0.58 | 83 | 45 |





