








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 587 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 384 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4298 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,508 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5006 | 37% |
| Smokes | 3482 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2370 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2650 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,083,233 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 891 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | |||||||||||||| | 47% | 131 |
| #6 | im shit | 45% | 42 |
| #7 | TB2SESHY | 43% | 80 |
| #8 | hurricane | 40% | 91 |
| #9 | The Big Cheese | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | |||||||||||||| | 37 | 0.0135 |
| #2 | liam | 36 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Alcoholicgaggle | 21 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | AnimalA | 12 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | The Big Cheese | 10 | 0.0164 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | liam | 837 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #2 | Alcoholicgaggle | 696 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #3 | AnimalA | 449 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | hurricane | 179 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | |||||||||||||| | 115 | 0.04 | 3 min |





