








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 250 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 101 matches | ||
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8708 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5535 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5516 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3786 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4370 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,579,062 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 757 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuts from Berserk | 57% | 199 |
| #2 | Flamingo | 56% | 160 |
| #3 | Strett | 55% | 119 |
| #4 | Parsnip | 55% | 387 |
| #5 | Hog | 51% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parsnip | 983 | 0.13 | 20 min |
| #2 | Nuts from Berserk | 378 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Strett | 326 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | Deeney | 213 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #5 | Flamingo | 188 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parsnip | +3.94 | 78 | 62 |
| #2 | 1uke | +3.29 | 82 | 60 |
| #3 | Deeney | +1.06 | 79 | 71 |
| #4 | Flamingo | -0.28 | 71 | 48 |
| #5 | Hog | -2.14 | 74 | 66 |





