








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 315 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1900 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,574 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2126 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1707 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1203 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2538 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,332,582 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15970 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Alex | 53% | 133 |
| #8 | 4dJKYKkBSitaW5xrlEmXEfYBxJSxJBLL | 53% | 38 |
| #9 | lulu fan 44 | 51% | 35 |
| #10 | Donald J Trump | 50% | 102 |
| #11 | WeanXD | 43% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Need therapy FAST | 29 | 0.0137 |
| #2 | Boonie Bandit Barry | 14 | 0.0163 |
| #3 | pxaVXR7WyrqlaqFJl3fA | 12 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | Alex | 10 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Donald J Trump | 7 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pxaVXR7WyrqlaqFJl3fA | 414 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #2 | Need therapy FAST | 189 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | lulu fan 44 | 159 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #4 | 4dJKYKkBSitaW5xrlEmXEfYBxJSxJBLL | 154 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Alex | 143 | 0.06 | 3 min |





