








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 270 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2792 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,594 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2349 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2318 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 610 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 1317 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $776,445 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 123 | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | swipemethodman | 54% | 153 |
| #3 | Серёжа Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝ | 53% | 190 |
| #4 | Botres | 50% | 103 |
| #5 | Василий Горгенов | 49% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | swipemethodman | 54% | 153 |
| #3 | Серёжа Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝ | 53% | 190 |
| #4 | Botres | 50% | 103 |
| #5 | Василий Горгенов | 49% | 73 |
| #6 | john | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Серёжа Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝ | 38 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | swipemethodman | 20 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Botres | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Василий Горгенов | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | 123 | 2 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Серёжа Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝ | 509 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | Botres | 288 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | swipemethodman | 254 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | Василий Горгенов | 240 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | 123 | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swipemethodman | +0.53 | 67 | 47 |
| #2 | Серёжа Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝ | +0.21 | 63 | 61 |
| #3 | УКРАИНА НАША | +0.10 | 69 | 45 |
| #4 | Василий Горгенов | +0.05 | 67 | 56 |
| #5 | Botres | -0.19 | 63 | 70 |





