








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 435 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1705 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 573 | 15% |
| Smokes | 797 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1435 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1012 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $861,517 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PaiN | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | tiCal | 55% | 85 |
| #3 | MagicZz | 54% | 63 |
| #4 | Djoens | 53% | 109 |
| #5 | Kesch ︻デ 一 | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PaiN | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | tiCal | 55% | 85 |
| #3 | MagicZz | 54% | 63 |
| #4 | Djoens | 53% | 109 |
| #5 | Kesch ︻デ 一 | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Djoens | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | MagicZz | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | tiCal | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Kesch ︻デ 一 | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Djoens | 404 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #2 | MagicZz | 273 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #3 | tiCal | 87 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | PaiN | 54 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Kesch ︻デ 一 | 42 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Djoens | +1.56 | 74 | 77 |
| #2 | PaiN | +1.48 | 71 | 76 |
| #3 | MagicZz | +0.84 | 71 | 77 |
| #4 | Jack Spearow | -0.51 | 79 | 50 |
| #5 | tiCal | -0.62 | 79 | 63 |





