








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 834 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,239 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3787 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3088 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1941 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3423 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,300,475 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 585 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Friendle | 59% | 41 |
| #5 | Holy | 55% | 40 |
| #6 | Angusbeefy | 52% | 137 |
| #7 | The man in the corner | 44% | 32 |
| #8 | Redneck Jesus | 44% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Angusbeefy | 370 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #2 | The man in the corner | 222 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #3 | Holy | 157 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | Friendle | 151 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | Redneck Jesus | 149 | 0.12 | 3 min |





