








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 353 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 152 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1531 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,249 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1292 | 40% |
| Smokes | 583 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 953 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 421 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,082,544 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 249 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Master Hoodini | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | Pepe Baggins | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | M1neGuys | 51% | 47 |
| #4 | Doug Judy | 51% | 94 |
| #5 | Hoodini | 48% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Pepe the grey | 44% | 91 |
| #7 | Sven | 44% | 71 |
| #8 | Trump is my Bitch | 36% | 36 |
| #9 | ppiliph | 29% | 14 |
| #10 | Edgarcut midtaper-fade | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trump is my Bitch | 12 | 0.0164 |
| #2 | Doug Judy | 11 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Hoodini | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Sven | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Pepe the grey | 5 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pepe the grey | 283 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | Hoodini | 274 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Sven | 263 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | Doug Judy | 262 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | M1neGuys | 168 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trump is my Bitch | +5.87 | 88 | 48 |
| #2 | Master Hoodini | +5.44 | 77 | 65 |
| #3 | Pepe the grey | +4.01 | 80 | 61 |
| #4 | Hoodini | +3.58 | 77 | 65 |
| #5 | Pepe Baggins | +3.26 | 74 | 66 |





