








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 156 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2439 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,181 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2493 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1580 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2387 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1721 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $748,499 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrSpecial03 | 52% | 84 |
| #2 | ムPako | 51% | 198 |
| #3 | ム 𝗥𝗶𝗻𝘇𝗹𝗲𝗿 | 50% | 111 |
| #4 | Arn3 | 49% | 73 |
| #5 | AlfJørgen67 | 48% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ムPako | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | AlfJørgen67 | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | ム 𝗥𝗶𝗻𝘇𝗹𝗲𝗿 | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | NotGamer | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | DrSpecial03 | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ムPako | 478 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #2 | ム 𝗥𝗶𝗻𝘇𝗹𝗲𝗿 | 231 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | DrSpecial03 | 166 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | AlfJørgen67 | 105 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Arn3 | 67 | 0.05 | 2 min |





