








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
399 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,097 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 347 | 32% |
| Smokes | 257 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 263 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 230 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $171,497 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | misterfucker | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Flowji | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | cryptic | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | hotel | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | YungYoseph | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Nuthing | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Kookles | 41% | 32 |
| #10 | Kaoru | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | Perry | 35% | 37 |
| #12 | Jincks | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perry | 6 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Kookles | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | z207 | 3 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | Nuthing | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kookles | 117 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | Perry | 79 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | hotel | 35 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | Nuthing | 29 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | YungYoseph | 27 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hotel | +3.73 | 72 | 69 |
| #2 | z207 | +2.02 | 72 | 78 |
| #3 | misterfucker | +1.93 | 44 | 60 |
| #4 | Perry | +1.15 | 46 | 65 |
| #5 | Flowji | +0.07 | 96 | 63 |





