








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1434 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,512 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 712 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1536 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1520 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1744 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $735,245 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 247 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | cryptic | 45% | 11 |
| #7 | Perry | 45% | 97 |
| #8 | Axel | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Kookles | 40% | 35 |
| #10 | ˢᵘⁿˢᵖᵒᵗˢ҉ | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perry | 14 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | z207 | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | ˢᵘⁿˢᵖᵒᵗˢ҉ | 5 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | Kookles | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Axel | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perry | 277 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | z207 | 121 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kookles | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Kaoru | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | misterfucker | 68 | 0.24 | 1 min |





