








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 305 matches | ||
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4992 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,579 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4576 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3265 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4055 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2683 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,161,050 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 577 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | !Maple67 | 93% | 27 |
| #2 | lilja | 86% | 29 |
| #3 | Zerstörung | 85% | 27 |
| #4 | The Neg0tiator | 85% | 26 |
| #5 | pew | 83% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meap | 13 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | pew | 11 | 0.0166 |
| #3 | icy- yaK | 8 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | lilja | 5 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | King Salt | 4 | 0.0042 |





