








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2464 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,509 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1853 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2660 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1782 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2214 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $878,839 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Disliner | 33 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Eduard Laser | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Unsympathischer Dönerverkäufer | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | St34thdr1v3R | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Defusion | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Disliner | 1312 | 0.17 | 27 min |
| #2 | Eduard Laser | 796 | 0.17 | 28 min |
| #3 | Defusion | 459 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #4 | FlinkesWiesel | 340 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #5 | ★𝕋𝕠𝕓𝟙𝕂𝕠𝕟 | 203 | 0.17 | 4 min |





