








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 904 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 843 matches | ||
| Faceit | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9173 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,431 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 13482 | 39% |
| Smokes | 9397 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6039 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 5513 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,268,084 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 596 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUZZ | 53% | 180 |
| #2 | jeroin hunkie | 49% | 392 |
| #3 | dartman | 49% | 793 |
| #4 | Dietzson Watson | 46% | 122 |
| #5 | Wu-Tang Clang | 46% | 343 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUZZ | 53% | 180 |
| #2 | jeroin hunkie | 49% | 392 |
| #3 | dartman | 49% | 793 |
| #4 | Dietzson Watson | 46% | 122 |
| #5 | Wu-Tang Clang | 46% | 343 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dartman | 33 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | jeroin hunkie | 8 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | BUZZ | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Wu-Tang Clang | 4 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Dietzson Watson | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeroin hunkie | 768 | 0.09 | 17 min |
| #2 | Wu-Tang Clang | 767 | 0.10 | 22 min |
| #3 | dartman | 400 | 0.02 | 10 min |
| #4 | Dietzson Watson | 272 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | BUZZ | 266 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUZZ | +1.59 | 67 | 47 |
| #2 | jeroin hunkie | +1.59 | 75 | 64 |
| #3 | Wu-Tang Clang | +1.08 | 68 | 54 |
| #4 | dartman | +0.25 | 77 | 39 |
| #5 | Dietzson Watson | -1.02 | 50 | 60 |





