








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 290 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2021 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,488 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2999 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2040 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1932 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1517 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $639,908 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 642 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boorgir | 74% | 27 |
| #2 | Meth48 | 73% | 41 |
| #3 | pornodemon | 68% | 34 |
| #4 | simo | 59% | 27 |
| #5 | poiso | 51% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boorgir | 74% | 27 |
| #2 | Meth48 | 73% | 41 |
| #3 | pornodemon | 68% | 34 |
| #4 | simo | 59% | 27 |
| #5 | poiso | 51% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poiso | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | pornodemon | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | simo | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meth48 | 130 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | pornodemon | 119 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | simo | 91 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | poiso | 75 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | boorgir | 44 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pornodemon | +3.71 | 81 | 69 |
| #2 | Meth48 | +2.36 | 89 | 58 |
| #3 | simo | +1.82 | 90 | 47 |
| #4 | boorgir | +0.47 | 91 | 40 |
| #5 | poiso | +0.33 | 75 | 63 |





